You found our list of funny conference jokes.
Conference jokes are fun and creative ways to break the ice and get a meeting going. These jokes help participants feel more comfortable and encourage participation. Examples include one-line jokes and plays on words. You can use these sayings to get the attention of team members and start your meeting in an entertaining way.
This list includes:
- conference opening jokes
- virtual conference jokes
- one-liner jokes for meetings
- conference networking jokes
- sales conference jokes
Here we go!
Conference opening jokes
- There were four engineers driving in a car. It sputtered and died, so they pulled over. At first, the electrical engineer said, “the coil is bad, we should replace the core.” Then, the chemical engineer said, “no! It is the fuel. We should drain it then replace it.” Next, the mechanical engineer said, “It is the valve lifter. We need to get in there and take it apart.” After a moment, the computer engineer says, “maybe we should all get out then get back in.”
- I was at an abstinence conference last week. All we did was wait.
- The CEO of each beer company is at a bar together. The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. This continues until the bartender finally asks the CEO of Guinness what he would like. This CEO orders a coke. All the other CEOs ask him why he did not get a Guinness. He replied, “If none of you are drinking beer then why should I?”
- It is funny, as I was getting ready to speak this morning, I realized that we have a lot in common. Neither of us knows what I am going to talk about!
- At a hotel bar, a group of men was sitting and ordering drinks. Another guy at the bar asked if he was with the convention. They replied they were with the Gynecology convention. The guy answered, “I was this close to becoming a gynecologist” and held up his finger and thumb about an inch apart from each other. The group asked what he did. The guy replied, “I’m a proctologist.”
- When Ted Bundy was first arrested, police departments from different states and regions met together. During their conference, they shared knowledge about everything they had figured out. It was the first Ted Talk.
- A bison, a cow, and a swordfish all attended a business conference. They were steak-holders.
- I gave a speech last week. After, my boss came up to me and said I was both original and good. However, the original parts were not good and the good parts were not original. So, I have some work to do.
Virtual conference jokes
- An elderly man who is a professor of classical languages was in Rome for a conference. As he was getting in his taxi at the airport, the driver pointed to a sign that read in English, “Tell the driver your destination.” The professor did not speak Italian, and he assumed the driver did not speak English. So, the professor gave directions in Latin, since Italian came from Latin. The taxi driver nods and replies in English, “Whoah, you have not been to Rome in a long time!”
- You can learn a lot in meetings. I do, at least. Like, did you know you can make a pretty cool S by bending a paper clip once?
- An employee found a genie in a bottle. The genie told the employee he would grant three wishes. The man replied he loved visiting Hawaii, but he hated flying and did not want to take a boat. So, his wish was for a highway to go to the islands so he could drive. This shocked the genie. The genie started rubbing his head. He mentioned sinking pilings in the Pacific and the sheer amount of supplies…it would be nearly impossible. So, the employee changed his tactic. He asked the genie to attend a shareholder meeting for his company and get everyone on board. The genie replied, “Were you picturing a one-land bridge or two?”
- Is there a difference between complete and finished? The dictionary has never been able to give a satisfactory answer. When asked, a linguist described the difference this way: when you marry the right person, you are complete. If you marry the wrong person, then you are finished. However, if the right person catches you with the wrong person, then you are completely finished.
- Police brought me down to the station to ask me some questions about my dad. He is a road worker and his company accused him of stealing from the job. I could not believe he would do such a thing. However, when I got home, all the signs were there.
- A statistician was afraid to fly. So, he spent months studying flying patterns and history and found that there was a one in one million chance a bomb would be on a plane. He could not accept those odds. Then, a colleague saw him at a conference that was a long way from his home. When asked how the statistician got there, he replied he flew. The colleague asked him how he found the courage to fly. The statistician replied, “I realized the chance of having two bombs is one in one million times one in one million. I can live with those odds, so I bought my own bomb!”
- A conference call is the best way for 10 people to say bye a total of 250 times.
- Me, “This show is so boring.” My boss replied, “Once again, this is a Zoom meeting.”
- A new proposal for online meetings…they cannot last longer than the battery, or a bladder.
One-liner jokes for meetings
- Ten doctors received invitations to a conference. Nine of them signed up and went. The tenth doctor did not agree and did not go.
- When I was young, I dreamed of becoming a banker. However, as I got older, I kept losing interest.
- I have a deep-seated fear of moving stairs, and it is escalating.
- Why are barbers the best drivers? They know the best short-cuts.
- Do you hate it when a person answers their own questions? I certainly do.
- Why are penguins so awkward? They find it difficult to break the ice.
- When I meet a woman, I start talking about global warming. It is always a real icebreaker.
- Committees are really great at keeping minutes. But they seem to lose hours.
- It is hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, they take things so literally.
- I went to a conference for stargazing last weekend. The turnout at the event was astronomical.
- I am not usually one to complain about customer service. But, I had to say something after the stockbroker pushed me over when I asked him to check my balance.
- What do you call a meeting for the Knights of the Round Table? A sir conference.
- My dream job is to start a hot air balloon business. However, I cannot seem to get it off the ground.
- We have been trying to find a guest speaker for the Imposter Syndrome conference, it has been a nightmare. Each person I asked said they do not deserve to do it.
- A group invited Mary and Joseph to a virtual conference call but could not attend, there was no Zoom at the Inn.
- I started a bakery, but I just could not maintain it. It was not making enough dough.
- If this job does not work out, then I could really see myself being a mirror inspector.
- Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
- Cowboys could have avoided most of the conflict in Wild West towns. They had needed to build them big enough for everyone.
- What do nuclear scientists eat for lunch in England? Fission chips.
- If you see a homeschool mom talking to herself, then do not worry. It is a parent-teacher conference.
- Where there is a will, there is always a relative.
- I have never liked Russian dolls. They seem so full of themselves.
- I have never been good at Greek mythology. It is my Achilles’ elbow.
- How many opticians does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? One…two? Two, or one?
- My first job was working for a paper company. I lost my job when the company folded.
- The first time I used a universal remote control I realized, this changes everything.
- My girlfriend said she wanted a break. So I gave her a Kit Kat.
- I bought velcro from the store yesterday. It was such a rip-off.
- Nothing tops a plain pizza.
- How do seismologists close a business deal? They shake on it.
- With the rise in popularity of self-driving cars, it is only a matter of time before someone sings a country song about a guy’s truck leaving him, too.
- People have told me I am condescending. That means I talk down to people.
- My supervisor seems like a great guy. He told me to think of him not as a boss, but as a friend who is never wrong.
Conference networking jokes
- Why do engineers and architects have to get along? Well, if architects designed and built their own buildings, then they would fall under their own weight. But, if engineers designed and built the buildings, then they would be so ugly, people would tear them down. So, engineers and architects have to get along.
- A boss asked his new employee to attend a meeting. During the appointment, he realized that someone else always brought his boss a drink, he never got one for himself. The new employee asked his secretary why he did not get his own. She replied, “you have to hand it to him, he hates the punchline.”
- Several engineer professors got on a plane to go to a conference. The pilot came back to tell them their students are the ones who designed and built the plan they are sitting on. All but one of the professors jumped up and started to run off the plane. When they noticed one professor stay in his seat, they asked him why. He replied, “If my students built this plane, then I know for a fact that the plane will not even start.”
- A man was driving around town with ten penguins in the back seat of his car. A police officer saw the animals and pulled the man over. The officer said he could not have penguins in the city, and needed to take them to the zoo. The man said he was on his way there now. The next day, the police officer saw the same man driving with the same ten penguins. So, he pulled him over again. The officer said, “I thought you took these animals to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. And now I’m taking them to the movies.”
- While interviewing potential employees, a supervisor told the first applicant that they needed someone really responsible to fill this role. The applicant responded, “At my last job when something happened, my boss always told me I am responsible!”
- As I get older, my body is more and more like the economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach seems to be always inflating, and the combination of the two has me in a depression.
- There is a story about a man who visited a beautiful monastery. It was in the mountains and the only way to reach the monastery was in a rope basket that was pulled up to the chapel. The man noticed the rope was quite frayed. So, he asked a monk how often they replace the rope. The monk answered every time it breaks!
Sales conference jokes
- As I was preparing my speech for tonight, my wife gave me some advice. She said, “Do not try to be too charming, witty, or intellectual. Just be yourself!”
- My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
- If you want a gambling hotline to perform well, then simply make every eighth caller a winner!
- I recently bought my first home, it is a bungalow. I considered purchasing a house, but that is another story.
- I was at a bar last night talking with a limo driver. He had been in the business for more than 20 years. Yet, complained of never having a client. Such a shame, so much work and nothing to chauffeur it
- My boss asked me to create a presentation for my department. He also said I should put a joke on the first slide. Apparently, a picture of my pay stub is not what he meant.
- A banker was out on a boat with his friends. When he fell overboard, the friend who owned the boat ran over with a life preserver. Not knowing if the banker could swim, the friend asked, “Can you float alone?” The banker replied, “Of course, I can, but this does not seem like the time to discuss business!”
- My boss is a fan of meetings. But, he could not figure out why enough work is being done. He declared we would keep having meetings every day until he figured out why people were not getting their work done.
- I have always struggled with Roman numerals, they do not make sense. I have a really hard time getting to 159. But, at 160, it just CLIX
- After giving my first presentation to our company, my boss came up to congratulate me. He told me, “Whatever your speech missed in the content you made up for in length!”
Conference jokes are a great way to lighten the mood at a meeting with participants who might not be familiar with each other. The purpose of these jokes is to be fun and lighthearted. When team members laugh with each other, they feel more comfortable. Then, they are more likely to work together on important tasks.